My brother is moving to Thailand for two years, and he leaves tomorrow. That really blows. My brother and I are super-close without being all that close. It's a hard relationship to define, but it works for us. He's awesome and cool, and young and growing, and while I'm so excited for him and his new adventure, I'm going to miss him, and every time I think about him leaving, I want to cry.
Yesterday my brother and I were talking, and I was telling him about all my new adventures this summer. My brother is the opposite of me - he's totally not a corporate suit. He always tells me that I just "work for the man", am "part of the rate race", and I'm wasting my life "padding the pockets of the white man". Whatever. It pays the bills for now. He's much more free and easy than me. His life is about being happy. My life is about getting through it.
This summer I've started to realize that he my be on to something, and I think he could see the change as I was telling him about drumming and dancing and singing and laughing and generally not caring so much about all the stupid shit I've worried about before. He said it was like I was having my "TSN Turning Point". He could be right.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Predicting Shit - Who Wins?
Anne predicts that she'll get dropped like a bad habit by Moody Spurgeon.
Paprika says otherwise.
The winner gets to continue predicting shit. The loser must stop predicting shit.
3 months. Let's see who wins.
Paprika says otherwise.
The winner gets to continue predicting shit. The loser must stop predicting shit.
3 months. Let's see who wins.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
It Doesn't Have To Be Friday
"Are you sure today is Tuesday? My favourite day of the week is usually Friday..."
Friday, July 11, 2008
Poetry Slam, Part: the First (of many, I hope. Courage, Willow.)
I've always lived along straight lines
But I long so much to be curvy
All my life, everyone has said to me
"Anne, why are you in such a hurry to
Get here, get there, do this, say that,
Finish this, start that,
Anne, why can't you just fuckin' relax??"
But I long so much to be curvy
All my life, everyone has said to me
"Anne, why are you in such a hurry to
Get here, get there, do this, say that,
Finish this, start that,
Anne, why can't you just fuckin' relax??"
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Who's That Girl?
"Earlier you said you couldn't even recognize your own shadow, but I think you can see it more clearly now than ever..."
So he said to me several hours later. Several hours after I noticed my shadow while I was wearing a wig, and commented that I didn't recognize it.
I'm sure when he wrote it, he didn't realize what a maelstrom he would set off in my mind.
So he said to me several hours later. Several hours after I noticed my shadow while I was wearing a wig, and commented that I didn't recognize it.
I'm sure when he wrote it, he didn't realize what a maelstrom he would set off in my mind.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Muthadi & Me
A few weeks ago, I went to the Muthadi Drum Festival. The last time I went was 7 years ago.
When I was there in June 2001, it was at a crossroads in my life. A simple metaphor to explain it is this: I was trying to decide if I was Mt. Pleasant & Eglinton or Queen Street West. I chose Mt. Pleasant & Eglinton. But since then, I have, at times, longed for Queen Street West, and the life I didn't choose.
Mt. Pleasant & Eglinton is a little more right wing, Queen Street West leans a little left.
Mt.P & Eg is LaCoste, Queen West is Betsy Johnson.
Mt. P & Eg is patisserie's, Queen West is bohemian outdoor cafes.
Mt. P & Eg is straight lines, Queen West is curvy.
To me, that life is so much more free. Free of a lot of the useless stresses and concerns I carry with me every day. The people are more relaxed. There is so much more art and music and culture and intelligent conversation.
But there is also insecurity, and instability, and it's that part of Queen West that I could never get my head around. It's not always like that, but it was with the crowd I saw. So I turned away, went corporate, and only looked longingly over my shoulder occasionally.
Until just recently. I was invited to go with someone who is very Queen Street West back to the Muthadi Drum Festival after a 7 year absence. And I loved it. I loved the crowd. I loved the freedom. I loved the music and the art. I can't believe I stayed away for so long.
It has made me start to think again about the choices made, and stuck with, over the past several years. It's not that I regret them, but I wonder if it could be different going forward. If I can be different. I wonder if I could be Queen West after all. Or, if I could have one foot in both worlds, and live them both.
So much has been going on, and it's a lot to process. But one thing for sure - I won't miss Muthadi again.
When I was there in June 2001, it was at a crossroads in my life. A simple metaphor to explain it is this: I was trying to decide if I was Mt. Pleasant & Eglinton or Queen Street West. I chose Mt. Pleasant & Eglinton. But since then, I have, at times, longed for Queen Street West, and the life I didn't choose.
Mt. Pleasant & Eglinton is a little more right wing, Queen Street West leans a little left.
Mt.P & Eg is LaCoste, Queen West is Betsy Johnson.
Mt. P & Eg is patisserie's, Queen West is bohemian outdoor cafes.
Mt. P & Eg is straight lines, Queen West is curvy.
To me, that life is so much more free. Free of a lot of the useless stresses and concerns I carry with me every day. The people are more relaxed. There is so much more art and music and culture and intelligent conversation.
But there is also insecurity, and instability, and it's that part of Queen West that I could never get my head around. It's not always like that, but it was with the crowd I saw. So I turned away, went corporate, and only looked longingly over my shoulder occasionally.
Until just recently. I was invited to go with someone who is very Queen Street West back to the Muthadi Drum Festival after a 7 year absence. And I loved it. I loved the crowd. I loved the freedom. I loved the music and the art. I can't believe I stayed away for so long.
It has made me start to think again about the choices made, and stuck with, over the past several years. It's not that I regret them, but I wonder if it could be different going forward. If I can be different. I wonder if I could be Queen West after all. Or, if I could have one foot in both worlds, and live them both.
So much has been going on, and it's a lot to process. But one thing for sure - I won't miss Muthadi again.
Signed, Sealed, Delivered.
I went to my mailbox today having no idea what was waiting for me inside.
I pulled out the envelope. My address, right there in my own handwriting. The stamp, a leftover from Christmas, with a reindeer on it.
Inside, the end of my old life, and the legal permission to start a new one.
I stared at it for a good minute, not moving, not sure what to do.
Someone coming in the door of the building startled me. I took it upstairs, and just looked at it. It took a phone call to my DT, and the reassurance from someone who understands that it's all okay, to finally open it.
It sucks, but it's done. It's finally done.
I pulled out the envelope. My address, right there in my own handwriting. The stamp, a leftover from Christmas, with a reindeer on it.
Inside, the end of my old life, and the legal permission to start a new one.
I stared at it for a good minute, not moving, not sure what to do.
Someone coming in the door of the building startled me. I took it upstairs, and just looked at it. It took a phone call to my DT, and the reassurance from someone who understands that it's all okay, to finally open it.
It sucks, but it's done. It's finally done.
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