Revelations

There is a book of revelations in everybody's life.

These revelations keep coming to me - slowly, and often, and often more than once, because I keep pushing them away, not wanting to see them, and not believing the picture of me that is being revealed to myself. But it's changing. I'm almost 31 for Christs sake. I can't hide from myself forever.

Here are some revelations that have to come me lately:

1) I have grieved. Really and truly grieved. Over the past year, I have used a lot of words to describe how I have felt, but I never said the word "grief". But I'm can say it now. I felt grief over what happened. Sometimes, I still do. Maybe I will for a long time to come, on and off, in waves, as it happens with grief. And that's okay.

2) I'm afraid. Of a lot of things. Mostly of failing, which I have still managed to do on a grand scale many times in my short life.

3) It really does get better.

4) You can change.

5) Things are rarely what they seem. Less than rarely. Almost never.

6) I'm not as smart as I think I am.

7) I'm not as dumb as I think I am.

8) There is a lot of great music in the world that I have yet to hear.